is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
