Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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