do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
