i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That accounts for only three of the penises
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
