i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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