he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
