dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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