Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
