Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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