The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
