These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.