So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
