Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
