Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
