I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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