Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
