I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
