Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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