My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
