HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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