I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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