I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
