Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
