Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he fucked my hip out of place.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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