dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
