I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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