Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
