id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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