Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
