sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
