You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm like, not good at living.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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