living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
