just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
