Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is my gift to your gina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
