hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
