I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
