Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my shit smells like andre
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
