On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
