No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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