I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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