last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
