Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
