mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
