Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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