Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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