Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
