he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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