Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
