life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we're so committed to being not committed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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