she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
