I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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