I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
