You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
