my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
