literally had 100 drinks last night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
