Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
