Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
