:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have demons in me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
