Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
