just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
