I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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