drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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