and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
