We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
