the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The Olympian is in my bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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