I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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