i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
