So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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