you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
