The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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