marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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