Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Vodka?
Forever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry about my life...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
