It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
