you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
