Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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