My hair reeks of homosexuality.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
