I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
